I’d like to share a personal story about wives contributing financially to their homes. It involves my husband’s parents and is a very long and messy story but I’d try to keep it as short as possible.
The Story
His father works in the aviation sector, he is very well to do and his mother used to be a successful business woman until health challenges and Covid took it’s toll. I got into the family and saw how she revered her husband. She treated him like her lord and was submissive despite their personal shortcomings. He on the other hand is a chronic womanizer and would sleep with anything in skirts. He rarely provided personally for his wife and still doesn’t but she contributed a lot financially to the home, especially in the feeding aspect.
She would present her profit to him after everyday sales and he would decide what the money would be used for in the home. They lived like this, she was okay with it, shielded it from her children and portrayed him to be the best provider. He was a great father to them and they loved him. They are all adults now and they grew up in a functional home in unity and peace until Covid happened.
She couldn’t run her business anymore and then got sick. This meant that she couldn’t contribute as much as she used to. He realized that he couldn’t shoulder the cost of feeding the family without her input, even though he earns way more than her and this is solely because he spends extravagantly on girlfriends and side chicks. He puts them through school, starts businesses for them and even buys cars, gadgets and properties for them but his wife has never owned a car. These women are married women, young girls or older women, he doesn’t just care, he’s maybe a sex freak of some sort.
He began to neglect his responsibilities, he would say he started the business for her and it was also her responsibility to provide for the family and she would say that he never started the business for her. She said she married him when he was nothing and ran her business on a small scale before then. She said she moved into a mud house and lived there with him and bought the first few properties they owned. She was mad that he failed to realize that she couldn’t bring in money because the pandemic stopped operations in one of the popular markets where she ran her business. The market remained closed for a long time, even after the Covid rules were eased off. She had to close down her shop there, even though this particular shop gave her the most money.
When the market opened eventually, her health did not permit her to continue. He began to throw his promiscuity in her face, he would talk to his girlfriends (even people she knew) in her presence. When he began talks of bringing in a second wife and telling the whole world about it, even my parents, all hell broke loose. He would say everyone should do what makes them happy and that even though any of his sons decides in the future to take a second wife, he would be in support (his father was a polygamist, as well as his brother).
She began to tell her children about all the hurt, abuse and betrayals she had endured in the course of their marriage. How he had remained unfaithful right from the inception of their marriage, she had caught him red handed several times and he even slept with her married best friend years ago, right on their matrimonial bed and how everyone in their neighborhood knew about this before her. He also tried to get her sister to sleep with him in the past and even one of his sons girlfriend. He also had an affair with his niece who pimped out women to him.
They would argue and fight but he wouldn’t stop, then one day, together with some of her children, she traced him to a hotel and met him with a girl and she beat her up. He took offense at this and she was livid. She said he had no right to be angry, she called him names, she cursed him. One early morning, my husband was called by his younger brother that they were fighting again and their mother was about to deflate his car tyres. His elder sister and another brother were also phoned and they drove down to their father’s house. They tried to get them to settle their issues amicably but she wasn’t having it and emptied an entire bucket of water on her husband. This singular incident created a bigger rift in the family and the children began to take sides. He stopped bringing money for food and withheld her from his HMO which she needed because of her frail health.
She took him to FIDA but they were unable to settle because he told them that her business was worth millions and she was capable of caring for her self and health needs. It was easy to be on her side, especially because of her health but my husband tried to remain as neutral as possible and asked them separately on several occasions what exactly were their problem and why they couldn’t settle. His mother said she had never done anything unforgivable to him, she said he married her a virgin and could swear before any god that another man has never seen her nakedness. She said even when he had never given her money for her personal upkeep, she remained financially supportive because their children were in expensive schools and she had to let him focus on their education.
When he asked his father, he agreed that while she has been chaste before and after marriage, she has refused him sex (which she said was because of her health and his philandering) and he said he needed a second wife that would give him sexual satisfaction and run errands for them both (laughable). He also said she has been taking his name to spiritual places and was trying to bring him down and because of this, he was advised to stop eating in the house which was why he stopped bringing in money. She swore that she’s only been going to churches so that he can come back to his senses and to his family as she believes he’s been tied spiritually by one or more of his numerous girlfriends and because he has even neglected his house projects and was all about women.
The children tried severally to settle them and have even involved extended relatives but it’s been futile. He still insists on bringing in a second wife every now and then and has the support of some of their children, even though the others, relatives, and the elders of their community have advised him against it. She insults him every now and then too, and swears that as long as she’s alive he’d never do that.
