Read and enjoy!
Precious, 24
We met on Instagram and decided on having our first date at an ice cream parlor. Sadly, this guy wouldn’t stop talking about different ways in which could lose weight after he saw me. He said I’m supposed to do like 40 press-ups just because I’m taking a cup of ice cream.
I lost it when he said, “if you follow my advice, you wouldn’t have to place your stomach on your thighs when sitting again”. I grabbed the two cups of ice cream that was on the table, threw them at him and ran outside. The bike I took came at the perfect time, I threw him a huge “f”ck you” when he tried coming after me.
Lilian, 26
He was already seated before I arrived, I greeted him and apologized for coming late. However, he ignored me. He later told me it was because I only said “Hello” when I greeted him instead of saying “Good afternoon”. I apologized again. We conversed a little and I started glancing through the menu list, he snatched it from me and jokingly said he would pick for us because he doesn’t trust Nigerian girls. He chose salad which was the cheapest on the list, a plate was N2, 500 and he ordered two with 2 bottles of water.
I called the waiter and told him I would love to have jollof rice and juice with mine and I made payment for everything I got immediately. He became moody again but I didn’t care. He then said he noticed I’m a feminist through my attitude and left the table angrily without paying for what he got. The waiter came to ask me for his money and I asked her if I gave her money for what I ate or not. She went after him but he was gone. Her loss!
Naomi, 28
I came down to Lagos from Enugu to see this man after chatting for two months online. We had our first date at a rooftop restaurant. We were in a middle of a conversation when a lady came around and sat behind us. This guy started acting restless and was twisting his neck to look at her.
He suddenly stood up and went to her table, they started chatting and laughing and this went on for almost 15 minutes whiIe I was still seated. He came back and said, “sheybi you and I are not dating yet and I’m allowed to still go and shoot my shot abi?” I wanted to angrily walk away but who would pay for my flight money back to Enugu?
Oyin, 24
We went on a movie date, he kept talking during the movie (which I hated). A scene came up where a character told her ex that her child wasn’t his. The next thing he did was to turn to me and say “if you ever do this to me, I’ll kee you o” then he laughed. I just faced my front while doing “I am in danger” laughter.
Olaide, 25
I’m not even trying to make fun of someone’s condition but this man was just coughing. If I counted the number of times he coughed. I’m sure I would count over 100 times. He didn’t cover his mouth for once. I regretted not having a nose mask on that day. I couldn’t breathe.
Alexia, 25
The mumu guy was trying to gossip about me to his friend but he mistakenly sent the message to me on WhatsApp with a picture of me looking so funny. In the message, he said “Guy, this girl no look like her picture at all at all, I no like her sef. She get big yansh and breast sha so I go like knack her 2-3 times before I leave her.
He also said he would disappear if I order more than his budget. As soon as he noticed that the message was sent to me, he froze for about a minute while staring right into his phone. The entire date was as quiet as a graveyard and we couldn’t even look at each other. I finished my food and left the table, we never said a word to each other again ever since then.
Kaothar, 27
I went on a date with a talkative who was ready to just say things unsolicited. He told me about the number of girls he had smashed and how he had f*cked one of his exes more than how her future husband would ever f*ck her. He asked me what my body count was and I told him 4, he screamed and said “and you’re not married yet, you would have had like 40 before you get married”. This is the same guy that told me he had had sex with about 30 girls before. I let that slide and focused on eating enough food.
We finished eating and a bill of N31k was brought to our table. This guy said he only has N10k with him and I told him I only had my transport fare. That’s how we sat down and we started doing “look me I look you” competition. Neither of us could stand up because we were stopping each other from trying to escape. Las las, he forcefully paid N26k and I added the remaining N5k. I’m never going out with a broke talkative again.
Ngozi, 26
We had already concluded that we would have the date at his place but I called him a few hours into it that we should meet at a hotel restaurant instead. For some unknown reason, this guy’s penis will not rest. He had a hard-on from the beginning of our date till the end. When I first hugged him, I felt something hard around my lower abdomen, I grabbed it thinking it was something else, but it turned out to be his penis and I quickly apologized. It was so surprising.
Omo! I continued peeking at it throughout our date hoping it would have come down but it was still gallant under his trouser and was very obvious. I wonder if that’s how he is all the time or maybe he took something. That was the only thing I concentrated on throughout the date, and the food.
Grace, 23
I never found him attractive but he has money and was always eager to spend on me. Although I didn’t accept to date him yet but I was leading him on and he was always treating me like his babe. I played along because of the benefits while I made sure we don’t have any physical intimacy, including kissing because I can be selective with who I kiss. We went to the cinema one Friday evening.
During the movie, I started feeling his hand trailing down my shoulder which was fine. I didn’t know how it happened but I suddenly found my mouth inside his mouth, he was eating my lips with all his strength and was passionately pushing his tongue down my throat. This went on and on for about 2 minutes, and I almost cried. I never wanted that to happen. I wore my nose mask till the movie ended. He asked why and I told him the AC was entering my nose, I just had to say something.
Bimbo, 25
I went on a date with this guy in Ibadan but we ended up at Agodi Gate Police Station. We met on Twitter, he had asked me out and I was hoping we would date after we meet, but it ended in tears. I love taking pictures, people around me know me very well for that. That day, I took pictures with my iPhone 8+ but I wasn’t feeling them, I asked him to snap me with his iPhone 13 Pro which he did. I collected his phone to see the pictures he took but I didn’t like them as well. I asked the girl behind me if she could help me take some pictures at the staircase since she’s a girl and she would know the perfect angles.
I was still trying to arrange my legs when I noticed that the girl had disappeared with his iPhone 13 Pro. I ran inside to check if she went in but she was nowhere to be found. You need to see how this guy was sweating profusely, I knew I was in soup. After looking for the girl for over an hour, this guy dragged me to the police station. I was made to sign an agreement to pay him half of the phone price and I had to make part payment before I was released. Funny how something was telling me not to go out at all that day. I just finished paying last week.